jeffmangum:

‘I was in an elevator, and a woman was in there with her baby, and the baby looked at me and I smiled, forgetting that my face was covered in bandages and dried blood, and my eye was the color of a plum. The baby just looked at me, eyes wide with horror, and you could see the emotional buildup. You could see the pressure rising as the tears welled up. You could see the dam about to burst. And then, all at once - screaming. Crying, sobbing, ear-piercing shrieks of terror. A cascade of tears. All because of the scary gore-faced man. The mother, alarmed, scowled at me, the source of her precious child’s misery. Yes, sorry Ma’am, I should have known better than to make eye contact. I’m terrifying. Sorry. It’s a humbling feeling to look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I make babies cry.” I should just play it up. Just roll with it. Get me an eye patch and a hook, and walk around limping, laughing maniacally and saying “ARRR!! Stay away, kiddies! I’m Scarface The Horrible, and I eat little children for breakfast! ARRRR!!”’

Thanks to end-lessly for sending this to me and unthanks to me for never checking my messages and just slacking off in general. “Boo, you whore.” This quote comes from this demonbaby blog post.